Sconces and candelabras lit the small chamber, usually drafty but warm this even from the fire roaring in the hearth. A couple sat at plush chairs near the fire; it appeared that they were in deep conversation although neither spoke.
She sat there drawn up in the chair, tears streaking her face like wet ribbons. Her body shook with silent sobs that she couldn't contain. She twisted her hands in her lap as she attempted to formulate words to fill the silence between them. She kept opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He sat across from her on the edge of his own chair, unsure of how to act, unsure of what to say, what to do.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. I'm not a mind reader... Well, I am, but you know how it is." She looked up at him, trying to smile and failed miserably.
"I can't tell you. I want to, I want to with all my heart and soul and being. But I can't. Because it's not right. Because I don't want to ruin what we have."
"You're fine. We're fine. You can't keep this in like this. Look at what it's doing to you!" He gestured to her.
"You promise you won't get angry or upset or anything like that?"
"I can't promise that, but I can promise that I'll do my best not to."
She looked up, her eyes glistening with tears like the morning dew. Taking in several deep breaths, she steadied and prepared herself for what she was about to say.
"I love you. I have always loved you, even when I hated you; yanno, they say that in order to hate someone you have to love them first. I am so hopelessly and irreversibly in love with you. I couldn't stop even if I tried. I would pull the stars from the sky for you if it would make you happy. And I know that I'm a stupid, foolish girl for this. You have engaged in courtship with another woman and from what I've heard you're quite content. It is wrong of me to love and..." she turned her eyes downward, blushing. "Lust after the man of another woman, but I do." She paused, taking another deep breath. "They say that one of the worst feelings is to love someone and not tell them. So this is me, telling you." She looked up at him, her lip quivering and eyes scared. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I upset or angered you. I'm sorry if this blindsided you. I'm sorry if this is going to affect our friendship poorly. I am sorry, so so sorry..."
He sat there, silent. That's how he was. He never responded to such things immediately. He sat and processed the information, calculated it all, and formulated a response. His eyes flickered between her and the fire. The silence unnerved her. She drew herself up tighter in her chair. She knew she shouldn't have said anything. She shouldn't have even asked him over this evening to play cards. She moved to stand.
"You should go. This was wrong." He reached out and touched her hand.
"No, it's fine." The touch near sent her spirally. She sat back down, partially at his urging and partially because she thought if she didn't she would faint right away. She smoothed her gown and stared into the fire, as if it would provide all the answers she sought.
"You're fine. There's no need to be sorry." He finally spoke in response to her confession. "You have simply stated your feelings and put it out in the open. This doesn't change anything; things will not be awkward with us. But on the same token... this does not change anything." He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. She caught his glance and turned away quickly. Her heart sunk. She had hoped that by telling him this that things would be different. But she wouldn't let him see the disappointment that boiled within her. She forced a smile and looked up.
"But of course not. I wouldn't expect it to. I just... I just wanted to put it out there. That's all." She smiled sweetly to reassure him of her lie.
"Good. I'm glad that we can both be on the same page." He stood and gathered his coat. "I should be leaving. It's getting late and we wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea, hm?"
"Oh, indeed. It was nice seeing you. I think next time I plan to beat you more thoroughly in our game of cards. I only let you win this time." She winked as he opened the door. "Have a good evening."
"And you as well." He bowed and left her chambers. She slowly undressed herself and pulled her night shift over her head and crawled into bed. As her head hit the pillow, the flood gates broke and she shook with sobs at his rejection until exhaustion took over and she slept.
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